Dennis Rodman courts North Korean leader Kim Jong-un

Alex Geli
Staff Writer

On my lonesome, I often ponder about issues that matter. I think, “Does Shoo Fly Pie have flies in it? Is Bigfoot real? Do choosy moms really choose Jif?” But other times I set my wisdom aside and think of problems a bit less vital to the public… like “Will the United States and North Korea ever get along?”
Although I have yet to link up an answer to the more important matters on my mind – I am far too scared to taste the pie, I’ve shifted the focus of my search to the Loch Ness Monster, and I’m still waiting for the Octomom’s response to my question – I am proud to present a possible solution to America’s long-time feud with the North Koreans: Dennis Rodman, Hall of Fame basketball player, author, and husband of Dennis Rodman.

The odd mingling of Rodman and Jong-un has raised confusion among political leaders and athletes alike.

The odd mingling of Rodman and Jong-un has raised confusion among political leaders and athletes alike.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the attention vacuum has sucked up some more notoriety over the past week. This time, it wasn’t over his rambunctious attitude; it wasn’t because he married himself again; rather, it was after spending some quality bonding time with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, who has recently flirted with disaster and set back the relationship with the U.S. even further by testing nuclear weapons underground, in the nation’s capital, Pyongyang. After sitting next to the son of the late tyrannical leader, Kim Jong-il, at an exhibition basketball game, Rodman accompanied him in the latter portions of the night at an “epic feast,” as Rodman put it on ABC’s “This Week” on the last Sunday of February.
“He’s a good guy to me. As a person to a person, he’s my friend,” Rodman said about Jong-un, an avid hoops fan by day and authoritarian ruler by night. “I don’t condone what he does.”
During the course of a two-day visit while piggy-backing the Harlem Globetrotters in North Korea, Rodman, in the most ridiculous and unlikely series of events, got the scoop of what Jong-un really is prying for through the nuclear tests that have escalated tensions even higher between his and President Barack Obama’s nations: a phone call.
“He wants Obama to do one thing, call him,” Rodman said, quoting Jong-un in admitting “I don’t want to do war; I don’t want to do war.”
While he was with Jung-un, the ex-NBA star did his best impression of Dr. Phil by getting to know who the young leader truly is.
“He’s not his dad, not his grandpa,” Rodman told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos. “The kid’s 28 years old … very humble … very strong.”
Although the leader has conducted public executions, sent people to prison camps, and allowed millions of his citizens to starve, Rodman pleads that Jung-un is just like the rest of us. After stripping away the monstrosities that he’s helped commit, he’s just a regular guy that loves watching basketball – which may be a sort of allegiance fodder for two foes to feed on.
“He loves basketball … I said, ‘Obama loves basketball,’” Rodman said, “’Let’s start there.’”
I guess after Rodman put his psychologist pen and notepad down, he put his diplomatic shoes on and attempted to coax his new friend into a new partnership with his fellow basketball-lovers here at home.
So could we really see President Obama, Rodman and Jong-un in the most unlikely and unfathomable game of shoot-around known to man?
I think not – after all, the same man who pleads he doesn’t want war previously had his National Defense Commission send out this warning: “settling accounts with the U.S. needs to be done with force, not with words.”
So much for that phone call…
As far as Rodman is concerned, though, his schmoozing has just begun. The human voodoo doll supposedly is ready for a second trip to Pyongyang – this time, with his investigator magnifying glass, to “find out more what’s really going on,” Rodman said.