Sex: The deal-breaker

There is something scary about starting a new relationship with a potential significant other. You learn about the person’s likes and dislikes, beliefs, and past. Along the way, you may encounter something about the person that is a total deal-breaker.

I enjoy talking with my friends about how their relationships are going, and always find it interesting to hear what that particular friend considers to be a deal-breaker. In talking to a wide variety of people, I have noticed that there is a big difference in how certain people view sex. For some people, the sexual history of their partner can be a deal-breaker.

First, I have always thought it was interesting how we view the number of partners a person has. A guy with a lot of partners is a pimp and a girl with a lot of partners is a whore. I like to think of both groups as “overly experienced.” We live in a society that dwells on sex. There are some people who would rather engage in a relationship with someone who is experienced over inexperienced.

However, I have found that there are plenty of people who do not uphold these same views. There are people out there who do see being “overly experienced” as a deal-breaker believe it or not.

I also find it amusing to listen to people brag about their talents in bed. I was recently talking to a guy friend who remarked that he has “big hands and works out.” I honestly laughed a little. I don’t know what other girls think, but I think that this overt need to prove masculinity is hilarious, and for me it is definitely a deal-breaker when a guy goes on and on about his skills in bed. I fall into that category of girls who think there are more important aspects to a healthy, functional relationship.

But here’s a secret to all you boys: It isn’t about the size of the tool but how you use it. If I understand the concept of sex correctly, the style and technique is unique to the individual, and there is some need of good chemistry between the partners. So, logically, boys should brag about their style over other things. There also is a need to be able to read your partner’s non-verbal cues, and let’s be honest, sometimes in many situations it’s hard to tell what someone is thinking. It is a real talent to be able to read non-verbal cues, and I mean all non-verbal cues.

I guess I’m just sick of hearing about sex with every new guy I go out on a date with. I understand that for some people, sex is important in all relationships. But it isn’t for everyone. There are other important aspects of relationships like communication and common likes, dislikes, beliefs and so forth.

There are plenty of people out there who won’t call you back for that second date when you spend so much time dwelling on sex. There are many topics that are far more important to discuss before sex should even be put on the table. I don’t “shake hands” with just anyone, and I don’t want to hear about all the people you “shook hands with” either. To be honest, it’s pretty gross and a total deal-breaker.